So, I have been thinking a lot about whether or not I am a "bitch", way too sensitive and/or coming off as a total manhater every time I reject male attention. Especially, this is something that happens when I go out drinking and dancing.
The problem is not the obvious cases. If men are fucking rude to me, people tend to be sympathetic. But a lot of the time, it is a lot more subtle. It is stuff that can be perceived as "positive attention".
It is "just compliments". It is me needing to "stop being so hard on him, he is just finds you attractive". It is "well, it was really rude of you to reject him so obviously, so of course he got angry." It is "it is kind of offensive how you complain so much just because other people find you attractive."
Trouble is, it has nothing to do with me "being pretty" or "hating attention". I like attention.
I do not like obvious lying, or attempts at tricking me into having sex, or creeps who refuse to take a hint.
Which is why I tend to be quite frank about my lack of desire to have any kind of sexual relations with the guys who are trying to make me feel guilty if I leave after they buy me drinks, or tell me that they want to cook me dinner or that "you're so beautiful", "are you aware that I am really beautiful?" et fucking cetera.
Or when I'm dancing and someone starts grinding on me, I push him away, only to have him grinding on me again 30 seconds later. I tend to elbow. Hard. Even if "maybe he just did not understand".
Or when guys refuse to leave me alone when I am clearly talking to or dancing with my friends. When they do not leave when I ask them to, when they keep talking to me, or trying to touch me when I am not giving them any reason to belive that their attention is wanted in any way.
And this is not even touching into the casual rudeness of: "you're such a pretty girl, why do you make yourself so ugly" (I've gotten that A LOT recently, presumably because I have part of my hair shaved off, occasional black lip stick and an angry expression on my face) or "your tits look good".
Look, I might be a bitch, if you define bitch as having my own intrests and reasons for going out (often things that have nothing to do with the menz I might meet), and as having little patience with men thinking that I somehow owe them attention, or a smile, or "being nice" or my time or sex just for being there, being fuckable and receiving their attention.
Getting attention is nice, if it is respectful, and gives me a chance to leave or reject it if I am not interested in them or sex or men in general, and does not think it somehow makes me obligated to give attention back.
When these guys do not leave, even if I am signalling that I do not want them there or telling them that I do not want them there, that might very well be because they "do not understand."
But they "do not understand" because they do not want to understand, and they do not try to understand, and they DO NOT CARE. Attention from someone that clearly DOES NOT CARE whether or not I am intrested in it or DOES NOT CARE if it is making me uncomfortable or not is crappy attention. It reaks of entitlement to my body, and my time, and my "niceness". See, it is obivious that they feel entitled to me when they ignore my signals and my words. And even more obvious when they get angry when I reject them, or tell them off, or elbow them (if they are trying to get physical with me by grinding against me, I think being physical back is acceptable). If it was lighthearted attention, they would respect my rejection, and move on.
So I will continue being "bitchy" until guys stop assuming that I somehow owe them my time, just because they're "nice" enough to find me fuckable.
onsdag 29. desember 2010
mandag 27. desember 2010
Assange calls Sweden the "Saudi-Arabia of feminism"
The rape accusations against Julian Assange has created a huge variety of proposed explanations. Some more ridiculous than others, obviously. Pretty early on, the lie that Sweden prosecutes men for rape if a condom breaks (and that this was the case with Assange... Which it wasn't), and that this is because Sweden is the evidence that feminism must not be allowed to go to far, unless you want every sexual act to require a consent form and/or get convicted of rape like all the time.... Or something.
Well, now Assange has made public his opinion, which incidentially, is this one!
"Sweden is the Saudi Arabia of feminism" he said. "I fell into a hornets' nest of revolutionary feminism."
Women actually having the right to determine what, how and when to have sex, EVEN when they have had sex with their partner before? And the legal system actually bothering to investigate rape and sexual assault cases? OH MY GOD. HOW RADICAL. Kinda sorta like the radical Islam of Saudi Arabia, right?
Well.
In Saudi Arabia women are not allowed to vote. They have to have a male guardian (who gets to decide whether the woman is allowed to marry, get a divorce, get an education, get a job, get surgey et cetera), they have to cover up and they are not allowed to drive cars. There are no laws protecting against marital rape, and in other cases of rape the likelihood of the woman getting punished for acting indecently is very, very high.
So what Assange is basically saying is that:
1. Men being expected to care about their sexual partner's preferences makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
2. Men being expected to not fuck women who are unable to consent because they're unconscious makes makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
3. Women having the ability to consent so some, but not all, sexual activity, or sexual activity with specific boundaries (like protection being used at all times) makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
4. The judicial system taking bodily integrity (even women's!) seriously, and making attemps to take incidents of rape and/or sexual assault allegations to court makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
I could probably go on and on and on here.. But there isn't really that much more to say. Assange fails at comparisions, he fails in his analysis of Sweden and Saudi Arabia... And to be honest, he basically fails as a human being. Whether he raped those women or not he should recognize that the laws of Sweden are there to protect women who are subjected to sexual violence and assault, and prosecute those who commit it against them, and that this is a necessity for any kind of society to be a good place for women (you know... half the human population) to live, and not just a nice place for entitled douchebags.
At least this Jezebel commenter got it right:
Well, now Assange has made public his opinion, which incidentially, is this one!
"Sweden is the Saudi Arabia of feminism" he said. "I fell into a hornets' nest of revolutionary feminism."
Women actually having the right to determine what, how and when to have sex, EVEN when they have had sex with their partner before? And the legal system actually bothering to investigate rape and sexual assault cases? OH MY GOD. HOW RADICAL. Kinda sorta like the radical Islam of Saudi Arabia, right?
Well.
In Saudi Arabia women are not allowed to vote. They have to have a male guardian (who gets to decide whether the woman is allowed to marry, get a divorce, get an education, get a job, get surgey et cetera), they have to cover up and they are not allowed to drive cars. There are no laws protecting against marital rape, and in other cases of rape the likelihood of the woman getting punished for acting indecently is very, very high.
So what Assange is basically saying is that:
1. Men being expected to care about their sexual partner's preferences makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
2. Men being expected to not fuck women who are unable to consent because they're unconscious makes makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
3. Women having the ability to consent so some, but not all, sexual activity, or sexual activity with specific boundaries (like protection being used at all times) makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
4. The judicial system taking bodily integrity (even women's!) seriously, and making attemps to take incidents of rape and/or sexual assault allegations to court makes Sweden as bad for men as Saudi Arabia is for women.
I could probably go on and on and on here.. But there isn't really that much more to say. Assange fails at comparisions, he fails in his analysis of Sweden and Saudi Arabia... And to be honest, he basically fails as a human being. Whether he raped those women or not he should recognize that the laws of Sweden are there to protect women who are subjected to sexual violence and assault, and prosecute those who commit it against them, and that this is a necessity for any kind of society to be a good place for women (you know... half the human population) to live, and not just a nice place for entitled douchebags.
At least this Jezebel commenter got it right:
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